Every year I find myself in a similar predicament. Much like Santa, I’ve made my list and checked it twice (I sort of leave off the naughty or nice part) and head out shopping. We like to give our kids a small gift each night. One night we give them board games and turn that night into a games night. One night we give them all sorts of dreidels and spend the evening playing dreidel. Every once in awhile when we feel really creative, we make up a family treasure hunt or game and play that too. But I also buy them STUFF.
Stuff can be defined as anything with small pieces (my husband’s biggest pet peeve). With many small children (ages 10, 9, 6, 4 and almost 2), we’ve got the Fisher Price, the Lego, the Playmobil, the books, the dolls. We have some very accommodating and generous grandparents that keep our kids well-supplied as well. We are over-saturated with toys.
And here the dilemma begins. I would like some small gifts. I grew up that way. I enjoy giving on Chanukah. But how much is too much?
Enter my friend Rena with her family tradition. One night, instead of gifts, her family sits down and decides which tzedakah will get that night’s gift money. Parents and children discuss the merits of various charities and the value of giving is incorporated along with the joys of getting.
I’m not sure my kids are old enough to truly understand that impact of tzedakah, but I am so excited about starting this tradition in our family this year.
What about you? How do you give appropriately and thoughtfully?
Posted by: malka Nov 28, 2010 2:10 pm
channukah
We also change what we do from year to year. this year we are giving a childrens sefer each night (for the family) and on the last night we got each child an individual present. For one of the books I got "Torah Tigers" by Miriam Adahan which emphasizes recognizing when we beat the yetzer hara...with this book I got 4 little notebooks where the kids can write their accomplishments. One year we bought a bunch of craft stuff and gave those out each night so by the end of chanukah the family had a nice supply of things to make projects with...and then again on the last night we gave individual gifts.Posted by: Jennifer Nov 28, 2010 2:37 pm
more gifts or fewer...
I was going to give each of our 3 kids a gift on each night, for the first time this year (twins age 5 and little one age 3), as I received as a child. But last weekend, as I sat amidst the items I'd bought at sales and garage sales over the last months, and realized how uneven the quantities and quality seemed, and how STRESSED I felt, plus the fact that the twins' birthday is during Hanukkah this year, I decided to just do a few individual gifts and one or two nights of family gifts (books, games). Combine that with separate nights with each side of the family (grandparents and aunts/uncles), the birthday festivities and gifts, and we will have more than enough STUFF!! Truly, we already have too much stuff, I am always behind on my tidying-up duties, as are the kids, and we need to weed out the old to make room for the new. Our life is abundant and blessed, so I am taking many of these "on-sale treasures" to the Toys-for-Tots bin for the kids to donate, and putting some aside for birthday gifts for friends. We have enough to bless others as well as ourselves, and to teach the kids about giving as well as receiving right now...I hope...Posted by: Rena Nov 28, 2010 8:38 pm
Chanukah Giving
I find that this time of year (especially in North America) gets materialistic very fast. The kids love poring over flyers and picking out their gifts (which yes, they do receive). By fostering conversation about worthy charities to give to one night instead of gifts, we've been able to refocus some of that "shopping" energy into meaningful conversation on tzedakah...and, by extension, appreciating how lucky they are. I am lucky to have creative and community-minded parents who began this favourite family tradition.Posted by: Adrienne Nov 29, 2010 10:45 am
balancing
We have four children and an interfaith extended family. I joke that we made peace with Santa years ago. Its hard to put a budget on it, I read that the avg. American spends $750 per adult, on christmas. Well we don't spend $1500,that I know! My youngest is 2 my eldest is 15, and that makes "fairness" hard. My teen wants more expensive things not toys, and that means less to open...not sure if she'll be mature enough for that this year? She also has a January birthday. I think all parents struggle with this in December. We try to balance being generous and not going into debt. We do not use credit cards...at all. So we use the monies we've saved all year. I usually break out the secular calendar and see when the 25th of Kislev arrives in December and plan from there. Our Sunday school takes on preparing Senior Hanukah bags and the families deliver the goodies to our elder members. This year we straddle one weekend so Sunday is our family dinner and we will give the chidren their gifts. It try to find one item that each child has asked for, and then the budget & sales dictate from there. We also exchange with my husband's neices and nephews (6) at Christmas. We have explained and taught our children tolerance by not ignoring what other family members do. The kids understand the difference in the holidays but can still share in the common themes that they both bring to the cold, dark December month. The first night at Chanukah we have something small to open and then the rest of the nights are geared to games & fun. We tried "open a gift a night", but for our family it didn't workout. My husband's work schedule and some nights are school nights, it was too much. We will attend services on Shabbat and the children are included in the service. Saturday evening is our Temple's party complete with pinata, and then hopefully Sunday will be a relaxing day of family. At least that is what I am striving for.Posted by: Sandra Dec 03, 2010 7:24 am
Chanukah gifts
We also have an extended family that includes Christmas celebrations. The kids always are SWAMPED in stuff, and I find myself giving them almost all of the good ideas because if I don't, they buy just as much stuff and it's useless. So our home celebration tends to be gift light. This year, day one was character divided plates with lids for the kindergartener, a fancy divided plate for the toddler and alarm clocks for the older ones. Day two was fancy electric character toothbrushes. They'll have a book night and I'm planning one night of groceries -- each kid will get supplies for a cooking adventure one on one with mommy. I'm afraid that after that, I'm running out of low budget ideas and since dh was recently laid off, low budget is all I can muster. Maybe a trip to the dollar store will help me with some ideas.Posted by: Sandra Dec 03, 2010 7:32 am
750 PER???
We don't spend 750 TOTAL for our four kids, his family AND my family! Mind you, I could if I wanted, but short of a few special big ticket items, it really seems pointless to spend just to spend. Dh and I don't exchange gifts, our gifts to his nieces and nephews range from 20 - 35 and his parents are about 50. My family gets more expensive gifts if we get them anything, but we only get them stuff if we see something special. We might go as high as 100 for the right present, but it could be every two or three years. This year we're so broke that we're just giving homemade candy and I'm aiming for 5 dollars in supplies per person in his family and dividing up the leftovers for my family (I know they'll get more per person but I have less people anyway).