Even though we’re on the other side of Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur, many of us are still in High Holiday mode. I for one am still wishing others a Shana Tova, and I’m still making personal resolutions to do better in the coming year. Resolving comes from realization and a sense of self-awareness, right? To be clear, I’ve NEVER stuck to a single New Year’s (January 1) resolution, so here’s my attempt for this year.
So first, the realization: I love the idea of being fit. And, when it comes to exercise, I can be a bit of a glutton for punishment. This past spring, after receiving the “all clear” from my orthopedist following knee surgery, I signed up for a couple of fall races (the Navy 5 miler and the Army 10 miler) and threw myself into training for these runs. I ran in 120 degree weather (no, that’s not a typo) and through torrential rains – in both cases, I was soaked to the bone. I jogged with various partners and on my own – on dirt paths in the woods, paved roads in the city and on a treadmill indoors. Early mornings, lunch time or after the kids went to bed, I made sure to stick to my workout regimen. Sounds rigorous enough, right? Apparently, not.
A friend talked me into signing up for a trial run for one of those “Boot Camp” Sergeant programs. (Are you noting the military theme?!) You know, the kind where you have to meet in some deserted parking lot at 5:30 am? Where you get worked to the bone for an hour? Where you wake up the next day feeling muscles you never knew existed? Where you are worked so hard, you know that if you do just one more squat, there’s a good chance you’ll never stand up again? Where you end up so tired, you force your young children to do the laundry because you just can’t lift your arms high enough to push the controls, let alone, lift a load?
And this program’s motto: “Be All You Used To Be!”
Used to be?!!?
For a month, as I trudged/lifted/stretched, every now and again, I’d think “gosh, I think I was more agile before my knee surgery.” Other times I reminisced over my flexibility when I first took Pilates some 8 years ago. And of course, there is the clear recollection that when I was in high school, exercise, speed and endurance came so much easier. Mind you, high school was TWENTY YEARS AGO.
Then there is the added frustration that the needle on the scale doesn’t move as fluidly as it used to. (At least not in the direction I want it to go!)
The last straw came one morning when our “Sergeant” ordered one half of the group to hang from the soccer goal post “LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT” while the other half of the group ran across the field, around the other goal post and back to us. We were not to let go until they returned. And when we slipped (it was soaking wet!), we had to jump back up, grab hold, and wait until we were given permission to drop. Oh wait. I almost forgot about the last straw – some of us had trouble reaching the top of the goal post, so our Sergeant counted to 3 and hoisted us up reminding us of our “cheerleading days back in Junior High.”
JUNIOR HIGH?!!!? (Let’s put aside that my all-girls ultra-Orthodox day school had no cheerleading team!) So now “be all you used to be” means reverting to my 13 year old waif of a self? I don’t think so! SIR, NO SIR!
Most of us can tell the same story: We’ve gotten older. We’ve had kids. Our metabolism has slowed, and our bodies have shifted and changed. I know that I have scars from a handful of surgeries – including my 2 C-sections when I delivered my beautiful girls. I can live with the reality that dieting means more than skipping a bag of potato chips at lunch. I may not be as thin or as fast as I used to be, but I’m satisfied with the fact that I can run 5 miles, and then run 5 more – and still feel my legs!
My resolution? (And it’s one that I put to all of you as well:) To resolve to love who I am today, with all my flaws and scars and imperfections, to accept that there are some things I might never again do as well as I once had, to forget “be all you used to be” or even the original army slogan “be all you can be.”
My new motto and goal? “Be (proud of!!!!) all that I am!”
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